to tell the truth would mean disclosing my full self, owning up to flaws and imperfections and depths of confusion i was too ashamed to reveal:
i am not in control at all; i am deeply fucked up.
i managed it to lie to everybody at my office yesterday; telling i am coming to the party to celebrate the transfer of a co-worker to rio de janeiro after i dropped my stuff at home. but of course i never came. i stayed in trying to displace the urge to hang out and get drunk with another addiction - high heels. i saw a girl walking in front of me the other day with one of the most beautiful pair of heels i've ever seen: black leather, skinny heel with some slick golden wings on each side and a golden sole. i made it my goal to find these shoes and get them - no matter how expensive they are..
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